What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
