Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
