i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
