dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
