I am in a vortex of obligation.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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