I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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