I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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