you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
