I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
