Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
