Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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