just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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