I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
