I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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