The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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