i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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