Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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