i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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