He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
