White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
