If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
