Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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