That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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