sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
