Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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