Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i believe in u and ur pee
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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