This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
