im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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