i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
