i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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