im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
