Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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