You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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