i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
