my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
