i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
