so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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