you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
