I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
