Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
