By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
