Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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