I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
