This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
