Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
