I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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