That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
