she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
