Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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