you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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