He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
