I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize