sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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