Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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