Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize