u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
