I'm lost and stupid without you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
