I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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