allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
