im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Two words: blizzard sex
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
