I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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