i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
