I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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