that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Alive.
So much puke
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
