I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
