i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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