He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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