he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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