either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
