Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
