So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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