I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
