Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
