Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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