What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
