I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
