apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
