i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
